another me

so, a couple weekends ago i went up to NYC to visit with katya and her baby belly, and also attend and walk in a fashion show -- just another one of those "say yes" situations that i felt i had to do. Kate was producing the ECOfest fashion show, and called upon friends to walk the clothing around - fun, most of us had a sense of absurdity about the whole experience of modeling, and of course we were so happy to help Kate with this and see her create this amazing show.
i was having pure fun with the whole experience (getting pampered, feeling like another person, camaraderie...) until about 30 seconds before i was supposed to walk on - then it hit me that i was completely unqualified and what was i thinking?!
my face is saying "what in the world am i doing up here?". i think i said it out loud to john (in the photo, who is also a non-model friend of Kates, a grad student) and he said "it will be good thing to have done."

so, it happened, its real, and now im left to process my slightly terrified looking photos...
(the say yesness of it was exhilarating... getting to have a totally new kind of experience. all in all, its true --it was an interesting thing to do...)

Ben is out on business this week, so im left to my own devices for a while -- its always good for getting work done, and getting life a bit more organized. i got to update my j-lism website and look at some articles with a clear head, take a nap in the middle of the day, cook for one, and just be internal for a while. it always motivating. field has also had a bit of a break, long weekend and today was just meetings, no classes -- allows my mind to really focus on the writing. field teaching is a wonderful part of my day, but can be a little consuming - there are always things to think about, ways to improve.

alright, time to end the day....

oldie

so funny...

photos

more pics from the trip on flickr

back from paradise...

still in disbelief that we're not in peru right now -- we decided at the very last minute that we had had a fab vacation, would be too rushed with just 4 days in peru, and that we should come on home early to relax. we tried to get tickets, were rejected by 4 people, and then at the airport, the morning of the flight, we asked one last time and luckily, two seats had opened up on a flight to DC. so we're back, safe, grounded.... and were driving to alabama when we heard about the earthquake up the coast -- right where we would have been! i still dont understand why we're not there -- but we just decided to come home...

san blas

back from 4 days on an island paradise. slow paced, hammocks, gentle Caribbean waves, kuna people taking care of us and showing us their village, farm land and graveyard (elaborate, up on a hill, roofs to cover the family plots, much ceremony). along the coast of panama, lots of tiny islands, the vast majority uninhabited. our island was just big enough for 6 sleeping huts, one eating hut, 275 palm trees, and an uncountable number of biting insects (the only downside). during the day, ricardo would take us on some kind of outing, often snorkeling off nearby beach-y islands, and sometimes meeting the kuna.

kuna -- communal, fiercely protective of their traditions and culture. they had a massive revolution to fight off the panamanian spanish, who were trying to slowly take over their lands, develop it in their own ways. the kuna were succesful, and are amazingly maintaining much of their lifestyle. they have resorts, like the one we stayed at, to bring in money (which is shared by the whole kuna nation, who also decides, collectively, if a resort should be built or not) and boats come from colombia with various produce and things. we ate tons of seafood, and locally grown fruits and vegetables.

im hoping to be able to carry back that laid back, no surprises feeling with me home. i can imagine that growing up in that environment, where you can see everything happening from miles away, where you have plenty of time to prepare for events, will allow people to relax and enjoy. as ben said, its like the opposite of dc, where people are so tense and running around all the time, honking at cars who wait for more than a half second at green lights, and huffing and puffing on the metro, knocking past slow walkers. it was an ultimate get away -- so much time to just read and write, no pressure to be anywhere... aaah.

plans

just won 5 dollars at the crown casino! feeling the triumph of the winning streaks --- feel like a winner.

we´re off to rent a "four wheeler" to get us to the jungle tomorrow for hiking, horsebacking riding and other adventure-type explorations. after spending today trying to figure out panama with only internet as info and the urgency of limited time at our backs, we managed to put together an awesome itin -- two days of jungle, then back to panama city to take a quick tiny plane to the san blas islands, to stay on an island the size of nyc block, to swing gently in a hammock, eat seafood that has just been pulled from the ocean. you can get to the many other islands to visit indigenous peoples - the kuna, who have been there for centuries and are near autonomous from the rest of the country- by small boat, or by swimming!

http://www.enjoypanama.com/hotels/yandup-lodge.htm

besides planning, we had a leisurely sunday, walking around the city finding food and other necessities, seeing the canal, a soccer game, and, two trips to the casino. i have a terrible personality for gambling, the wrong one for gambling - very emotional, most of my attention focused on whether or not im "lucky" at any particular moment, and blaming various nonsensical people and events on my turn of luck. im all too likely to shun my loved ones for the sake of it - very scary. very attached - should really find a different way of thinking about it.

feels a bit helpless to be here with such a limited grasp of spanish -- am so dependent on ben for most everything. but am starting to at least follow along to some degree -- just takes such a long long time to process, and even longer to even think about contsructing my basic sentences, the conversation has long moved on. but, is fun to be here with a bilingua, so that i can get direct translation on everything so quickly...

off to process and get ready...

old blog

just so all those thoughts live on (however it is that things live on in this cyber land)

http://shiplish.livejournal.com

panama

after planning our trip to peru for the past 3 months, i spent friday packing sweaters and preparing for chilly nights and feats of strength and endurance --- but no! ben and i had a layover in panama, and after drooling over pictures of the warm, inviting caribbean, we couldnt resist a trip here -- and here we are! we will be here for about 10 days, then will fly to peru with just enough time to see machu picchu. cant be happier to be strolling around panama in summer clothes, with ben next to me contacting islands in san blas where we can stay in a hut, go snorkeling, visit with native kuna folk and drink loads of cocunut water...