Friday, June 19, 2009

today, sikhs

Spent the day at a celebration/conference for Sikhs, commemorating the new Sikh exhibit going up in the Library of Congress. It was humbling and saddening to realize how much the idiotic hate crime spree that started after 9/11 has affected the community. many discussions surrounded this, referenced it somehow. So many people who came here and are just trying to have a life in America, are contributing to society in so many ways, getting attacked for just having a similar headwrap as osama bin laden. and these ignorant people are trying to drive them away. Being surrounded by the community made me really feel the injust stupidity of it all for the first time. feeling really grateful to have had the oppourtunity to immerse myself there for a day.

In any case, the event was celebrating something pretty happy, and represented a real acceptance, at least by the LoC and by extension the most mainstream american america. palpable giddy pride all around me. and met many "young people", 2nd generationers, who were doing various things (making films, taking photos) to try and fight the incorrect stereotypes about the group, to create pride in their sikh-ness, and to knock down misperceptions person by person. heartening.

interestingly, a generational divide emerged between the immigrants and the 2nd generation. 2nd generation definitely more "activist" feeling, also more inclined to accept their sikhness however they defined it, not necessarily traditionally. one conflict: how to grow up american and sikh? i think the immigrant gen. didn't really understand how central it was to the next gen. to be accepted by the mainstream peer group - for the immigrant generation, acceptance was something non essential, just icing. for the 2nd gen, its unavoidable, identity formation must be navigated.

sorry if this is embarrassingly non linear and not completely thought out. just trying to get some words out about it. My article will be much more straightforward and specific and fact based...

Friday, May 29, 2009

saturn still orbiting

it's been so long, I'm thinking I need to get on and ramble for a minute, in lieu of the nap that I don't have time to take. so, what's happened... turned 28, feel drastically different for a variety of reasons (only minorly related to the age). different, but also kind of the same, or more similar to the olden days, the old shilpi, in temperament and in activity. walking, smiling, dancing, letting things happen (or allowing the unexpected to happen). have been trying to dance as much as possible so as to feel joyful. yesterday joined a group of quite awesome "basement desis" for some bhangra-ish (hipster bhangra?) release at bossa lounge - limbs flailing all around me, innocent (so thankful for the lack of grinding) and smiley. felt young, dancing into the night and then waking up to go to work with a slight sleep deficit. (young b/c im abusing my body, I guess? good thing I'm old enough to be taking massive amounts of vitamins and supplements). last friday, saw Daniel play with St. Vincent, some very lovely music, and then dancing to "hot 99.5" type hits with my coworkers. (pop "hits" + some truly bizarre 80's choices (michael bolton? seriously?)).
more animals trying to encroach on this lovely house. Actually, these ones are actually succesful (the end of the Cedric story, which i wrote about in the fall -- quite sad for Cedric. animal control had their way with him. it had to happen - you can't come back from life in the wild). so, now, birds - living, i think, in the wall of my bedroom. i hear them flapping about and chirping all the time, right now in fact, and Divya and Gautam showed me the hole they use to get in, outside the house. landlord doesn't seem too concerned, so perhaps it's all very live and let live - built in bird house?
time for weekend activity #1...

Friday, February 6, 2009

25 things

Here is that facebook thing that has been floating around. I find it amazing. I'm so thrilled to see the honesty and compassion that comes through in the writing and sharing of these. Here's my version, for internet posterity.



1. I find number 1 to be the hardest one to fill out.

2. I love dancing, specifically alone, amongst people (you know what I mean). It makes me feel free and joyful.

3. I have a touchy relationship with cars. When I was 15, I was in a car that flipped while going 100 mph and was crushed (windows smashed, body crumbled). All 4 of us were able to walk away and heal within the month. I have been in an abnormally high number of car accidents since then, most my own fault. I've been in a car while it was being totaled 4 times. 2 of those times were in the same car. Goodbye forever, LYS.

4. I am sometimes a bit careless with my life. In college, my housemate and I very unwisely used our oven to heat the house during a winter power outage; as we were passing out from the carbon monoxide, our friend's girlfriend came home, shook us awake and aired out the house. The next day, I feel asleep with a candle burning in the bathroom. Same girlfriend came home at 3am to find the cabinet on fire. She put it out. Amazingly, she never called me out for being a fool. Thank you, Sarah.

5. Every night when I was little, my older brother would finish eating dinner and then proceed to make me laugh so hard that my belly hurt, my cheeks became sore, tears streamed down my face, and I fell off my chair. I often ran away begging for mercy. It was amazing.

6. If he really caught me off guard, I was spit something out/choke gently. Then my father would say something like "Don't make your sister laugh when she's eating! Actually, don't make anyone laugh when they're eating, even if they're not your relative!" This would make us laugh hysterically. We collected these sayings and labeled them "Daddyisms".

7. My mother is the wisest person I know. She's my hero.

8. I wish the rest of my family wasn't thousands of miles away. I have a lot of longing for them, and longing to know them (see #16). When we do get to see each other, I am always so amazed by how much love I feel for them. I also dig how similar we are, in looks, thoughts, dancing style. I wish my grandparents had stayed alive longer and had not been so far away.

9. The guiding rule of my life is a belief in serendipity. I owe most things to being in the right place, having the right conversations, and just saying yes to things that are not in the plan. Actually, I never really have a plan. Occasionally this creates some confusion.

10. Second guiding rule: following my instincts. Problems occur when I stop.

11. I love putting myself in situations where there are many unknowns and a variety of decisions that could be made, and then seeing what I do. When I was a kid, I loved those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. I have learned the most about myself this way.

12. I have always been a big reader. For me, it cultivates compassion, transcends the mundane, brings me into a new world, and is delightful. Tolstoy is the greatest. The section of War and Peace where Andrei is dying and Pierre is imprisoned and they are so open and awash in realizations about life and the human condition made my heart race, my breath go shallow and my face flush; I knew I was reading something that would change my understanding of the world, forever. The word that always comes to mind during such reading experiences is "delicious". Sublimely delicious.

13. I love Russian people.

14. Travel does many of the same things as reading for me. I love being an outsider. I love the heightened clarity, the generosity, the unknown, the seeing patterns and guessing meaning. I love being behind a screen, and being able to analyze and ask questions from there. Photography and journalism suit me well here.

15. I am a hypochondriac. I've made a truly embarrassing number of late night trips to the emergency room. I have sincerely believed that a) my eyeball was unraveling, b) I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and c) my viscera was turning to stone. None of these things turned out to be true.

16. I really love feeling desire and longing, for experiences, feelings, family, men, etc. I will often put off getting what I want in order to stay there.

17. I also love nostalgia. I'm sometimes nostalgic for my desire.

18. I'm excessively adaptable. I fall into phases where it is very hard for me to know what is actually good for me. I need to remember, as Russell Simmons suggests, to "Do You!"

19. For about 12 years, I played the violin quite seriously, enough so that I had a music stand in my bedroom, would often play till I was drenched in sweat, and would dream about the music. It always amazed me that my fingers would move seemingly of their own accord, before my conscious mind could tell them what to do. I regret stopping, but hope I can pick it up again one day.

20. I love writing things between 10pm and 2am. In fact, I am writing this between 10pm and 2am.

21. I hate when people shield themselves from their true emotions, IE acting cool when they're feeling vulnerable, acting angry when they're feeling guilty. I get that some of these things are necessary protective measures. It still bugs me.

22. That said, I often abide by the maxim "fake it until you make it."

23. I have a few beliefs that I know some people think are crazy. I believe in real astrology. I believe in the power of your mind to stop things like allergies. I believe in a consciousness larger that the individual.

23. I'm quite a smiley person. Actually, I really used to be, but haven't checked that in a while. I used to be the kind of person who smiled all the time, at strangers too. I guess now that I think about it, I don't really do that anymore. Probably good.

25. I am very affected by place. Once I cross into the boundaries, like state and country lines, I feel tangibly different. The places that evoke that most for me are North Carolina and India.

Monday, January 5, 2009

procrastination station

hello! right this minute, I am supposed to be working frantically on two things, both of which are due friday and in total will require me to produce about 3000 words. I can convince myself that this is a much more productive procrastination tool than facebook spying, because I'm A)writing something, B)getting potentially distracting thoughts out of my head so i can *really* focus. and, i'm at busboys and poets, and just got a call from Annie that she will be here in anywhere from 15-30 minutes, so how much work can I really get done from here out?

so maybe some rough resolutions (the first time I think about them will be appr. 10 seconds from now, so, well... take them with that in mind)
1. start putting lemon in my tea in the mornings instead of milk. im drinking tea with lemon and honey right now, and its delicious and feels healthy and cleansing. This is easy (must remember to buy lemons on the way home) and beneficial.
2. yoga with sincerity at least 3xweek
3. eat more. i'm pretty good about fruits/vegs/protein. so, maybe, i need carb-y things? rice, bread, mac and cheese...
4. drop my skirt off at the dry cleaners (this may seem like an "errand" to most people, but i've been putting it off for 4 months.)
5. answer my phone when it rings unless I'm truly unavailable. (i'm getting better at this now that I live in a home with multiple rooms for chatting, but still much room for improvement).
6. acknowledge that my being in a bad mood as a result of not taking care of myself properly has a negative effect on my outlook and opinion of the outside world -- so take care of myself! and then I can be filled with generousity of spirit.
7. start mending clothes instead of buying new clothes (got to go buy a needle).

annie's here!