i may never leave again

I'm holed up safely on my old couch in my new living room, with star trek: the next generation on as gentle, nostalgic, safe tv, trying to process and and regain my footing. immediately after finding out some sad news (which came with the advice that I need to be extra careful, a delicate time for the family, extra vigilance required against the world) I looked in my rearview mirror and saw flashing light, *siren*, and was pulled over for talking on the phone while driving. I obediently took my lecture from the cop (who looked suspiciously like the cop who pulled me over on my bike last month) about the "laws". i made it home, well, to the driveway, took careful dark steps onto our porch, and was almost run over by a giant pitbull who had been napping on our doormat. We had a mini faceoff, where he backed off and ran to the yard, and then looked back at me to see just how serious I was about this entering my home thing (and to discern how powerful I was). I could see him calculating, and could feel that he was very close to putting up a fight that he would almost certainly win, so I tried my best to look powerful and very possessive of this home and to get my damn key in the door as fast as possible. I made it, and now have been home alone, trying to allow my emotions to flood through in the way that they need to in response to the news, and to be extra safe and careful...