shilpi stories

the word!

2010-12-01T23:57:00.003-05:00

first reverb10 assignment (directly from my old friend Gwen Bell): choose one word for 2010, and one for 2011.

2010: empowered

I'd like to store this year away as the one in which I took control over my life, and felt the rush of having power over and owning my own decisions. loving it.

2011: kinetic

Time to put the power in motion, and to make giant leaps forward in all sorts of ways. it's time. potential to kinetic, maybe?

so hilarious

2010-09-14T12:47:00.001-04:00

sleep talking man

snOMG in DC

2010-02-12T12:31:00.005-05:00

favorite images:

- walking to m's house Wednesday morning in the snowiest, blowiest stroll of my adult life. This was the pummeling we got after an already historic weekend of blizzard, the point at which most people went from being delighted and playful to exhausted and feeling tiny, defenseless and humbled in the face of our natural disaster. so, the new foot of snow was collecting on top of the already fallen 2 feet and the winds were fierce. just me and a lone snowplow on the DC streets, both going about .5 miles an hour. I occasionally had to walk backwards b/c the sharp snow hitting my face was making me cry (m's snow goggles fixed that problem for the rest of the day), and at one point the wind was so strong it fixed me at 14th and V. The winds also gave the city a desert-ish feel, constantly smoothing out the continuously falling snow into wavey dunes. like this, but white. beautiful.

- Saturday, at Meridian Hill park, when everyone was energized and prepared and letting the building anticipation burst out. there were several different sledding areas: one down each short but steep east-west staircase, which allowed for substantial speed to build up and had a ready perch for onlookers (lots of friendly whoa-ing and oo-ing and oh-ing and advice giving (lift your legs up!)) and the other in the park proper, with sledders winding their way down the large slopey expanse, around trees and bushes, which required some more navigational skills and felt a little more Narnia fantastical. Skiers took over the longer, north-south staircase, smoothing out the middle for a long stretch that ended with a solidly built up up-slope, making for a proper ski jump. They stood at the top and planned out their jumps in quiet, thoughtful conferences (ok, you'll be on the right and i'll be on the left? we'll go down simultaneously? *pause* ok, why don't you go first instead? then i'll follow. *pause* just don't fall. *pause* *swoosh*), and then executed them precisely and (usually) impeccably. I found myself unexpectedly moved by their efforts and their dignity in action.

favorite activities:

-taking refuge in 14th street establishments Wednesday afternoon and evening. M and our usually too busy roommates were able to join us for some laptop time at Busboys, ostensibly to work, and then for hot toddies at Bar Pilar, which led to an impromptu (actually, the whole thing was pretty impromptu) stop at St. Ex to see what kind of action was happening on the dance floor. It was "bring an ipod" night, and one extremely enthusiastic guy wanted his mix to be on all night. He bribed us with some tasty drinks and kept saying "isn't this the best dance song?!" and "tell them this is the greatest dance mix you've ever heard!". everyone was still in a generous mood after all their days of no work and gamely jumped around.

- Sunday with a, drinking tea at Teaism, finding a few quality second hand threads at Secondi (i bought a beautiful prussian blue puffy vest), stopping by a new used book and art store on Connecticut, and then finally drinking wine and eating ravioli in my snow cave before going over to a super bowl party. I suppose this is all pretty standard Sunday fare, but somehow felt more exciting having to stomp through snow drifts to get from place to place, and knowing that more snow and more days off work were coming.

- "hanging out" on my porch for a minute last night - absurd. snow past my knees, chairs buried past their seats. I made my way to the table and got as far as I could to take a minute to "sit" on one of the chairs.

while I did waste tremendous amounts of time over the course of the week, I was able to walk and walk and walk throughout the city, and somehow to think about some big picture changes I may want to make in my life and make some steps towards them. Maybe it was all the extra time that allowed me to think further, maybe it was the fact that I was so stuck and so limited in what I could do that allowed me to think about life without feeling stressed or urgent or anxious. anyhow, i feel totally energized. We're off to West Virginia to hang out in a internetfree, cellphone free cabin for the weekend, which sounds delicious. If I have any kind of cabin fever right now, it is a cabin fever for my neighborhood, which I haven't left since last Thursday. I couldn't be more ready to get out of town, get into nature and do some long distance X Country skiing.

today, sikhs

2009-06-19T19:05:00.004-04:00

Spent the day at a celebration/conference for Sikhs, commemorating the new Sikh exhibit going up in the Library of Congress. It was humbling and saddening to realize how much the idiotic hate crime spree that started after 9/11 has affected the community. many discussions surrounded this, referenced it somehow. So many people who came here and are just trying to have a life in America, are contributing to society in so many ways, getting attacked for just having a similar headwrap as osama bin laden. and these ignorant people are trying to drive them away. Being surrounded by the community made me really feel the injust stupidity of it all for the first time. feeling really grateful to have had the oppourtunity to immerse myself there for a day.

In any case, the event was celebrating something pretty happy, and represented a real acceptance, at least by the LoC and by extension the most mainstream american america. palpable giddy pride all around me. and met many "young people", 2nd generationers, who were doing various things (making films, taking photos) to try and fight the incorrect stereotypes about the group, to create pride in their sikh-ness, and to knock down misperceptions person by person. heartening.

interestingly, a generational divide emerged between the immigrants and the 2nd generation. 2nd generation definitely more "activist" feeling, also more inclined to accept their sikhness however they defined it, not necessarily traditionally. one conflict: how to grow up american and sikh? i think the immigrant gen. didn't really understand how central it was to the next gen. to be accepted by the mainstream peer group - for the immigrant generation, acceptance was something non essential, just icing. for the 2nd gen, its unavoidable, identity formation must be navigated.

sorry if this is embarrassingly non linear and not completely thought out. just trying to get some words out about it. My article will be much more straightforward and specific and fact based...

saturn still orbiting

2009-05-29T19:27:00.005-04:00

it's been so long, I'm thinking I need to get on and ramble for a minute, in lieu of the nap that I don't have time to take. so, what's happened... turned 28, feel drastically different for a variety of reasons (only minorly related to the age). different, but also kind of the same, or more similar to the olden days, the old shilpi, in temperament and in activity. walking, smiling, dancing, letting things happen (or allowing the unexpected to happen). have been trying to dance as much as possible so as to feel joyful. yesterday joined a group of quite awesome "basement desis" for some bhangra-ish (hipster bhangra?) release at bossa lounge - limbs flailing all around me, innocent (so thankful for the lack of grinding) and smiley. felt young, dancing into the night and then waking up to go to work with a slight sleep deficit. (young b/c im abusing my body, I guess? good thing I'm old enough to be taking massive amounts of vitamins and supplements). last friday, saw Daniel play with St. Vincent, some very lovely music, and then dancing to "hot 99.5" type hits with my coworkers. (pop "hits" + some truly bizarre 80's choices (michael bolton? seriously?)).
more animals trying to encroach on this lovely house. Actually, these ones are actually succesful (the end of the Cedric story, which i wrote about in the fall -- quite sad for Cedric. animal control had their way with him. it had to happen - you can't come back from life in the wild). so, now, birds - living, i think, in the wall of my bedroom. i hear them flapping about and chirping all the time, right now in fact, and Divya and Gautam showed me the hole they use to get in, outside the house. landlord doesn't seem too concerned, so perhaps it's all very live and let live - built in bird house?
time for weekend activity #1...

25 things

2009-02-06T16:06:00.003-05:00

Here is that facebook thing that has been floating around. I find it amazing. I'm so thrilled to see the honesty and compassion that comes through in the writing and sharing of these. Here's my version, for internet posterity.

1. I find number 1 to be the hardest one to fill out.

2. I love dancing, specifically alone, amongst people (you know what I mean). It makes me feel free and joyful.

3. I have a touchy relationship with cars. When I was 15, I was in a car that flipped while going 100 mph and was crushed (windows smashed, body crumbled). All 4 of us were able to walk away and heal within the month. I have been in an abnormally high number of car accidents since then, most my own fault. I've been in a car while it was being totaled 4 times. 2 of those times were in the same car. Goodbye forever, LYS.

4. I am sometimes a bit careless with my life. In college, my housemate and I very unwisely used our oven to heat the house during a winter power outage; as we were passing out from the carbon monoxide, our friend's girlfriend came home, shook us awake and aired out the house. The next day, I feel asleep with a candle burning in the bathroom. Same girlfriend came home at 3am to find the cabinet on fire. She put it out. Amazingly, she never called me out for being a fool. Thank you, Sarah.

5. Every night when I was little, my older brother would finish eating dinner and then proceed to make me laugh so hard that my belly hurt, my cheeks became sore, tears streamed down my face, and I fell off my chair. I often ran away begging for mercy. It was amazing.

6. If he really caught me off guard, I was spit something out/choke gently. Then my father would say something like "Don't make your sister laugh when she's eating! Actually, don't make anyone laugh when they're eating, even if they're not your relative!" This would make us laugh hysterically. We collected these sayings and labeled them "Daddyisms".

7. My mother is the wisest person I know. She's my hero.

8. I wish the rest of my family wasn't thousands of miles away. I have a lot of longing for them, and longing to know them (see #16). When we do get to see each other, I am always so amazed by how much love I feel for them. I also dig how similar we are, in looks, thoughts, dancing style. I wish my grandparents had stayed alive longer and had not been so far away.

9. The guiding rule of my life is a belief in serendipity. I owe most things to being in the right place, having the right conversations, and just saying yes to things that are not in the plan. Actually, I never really have a plan. Occasionally this creates some confusion.

10. Second guiding rule: following my instincts. Problems occur when I stop.

11. I love putting myself in situations where there are many unknowns and a variety of decisions that could be made, and then seeing what I do. When I was a kid, I loved those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. I have learned the most about myself this way.

12. I have always been a big reader. For me, it cultivates compassion, transcends the mundane, brings me into a new world, and is delightful. Tolstoy is the greatest. The section of War and Peace where Andrei is dying and Pierre is imprisoned and they are so open and awash in realizations about life and the human condition made my heart race, my breath go shallow and my face flush; I knew I was reading something that would change my understanding of the world, forever. The word that always comes to mind during such reading experiences is "delicious". Sublimely delicious.

13. I love Russian people.

14. Travel does many of the same things as reading for me. I love being an outsider. I love the heightened clarity, the generosity, the unknown, the seeing patterns and guessing meaning. I love being behind a screen, and being able to analyze and ask questions from there. Photography and journalism suit me well here.

15. I am a hypochondriac. I've made a truly embarrassing number of late night trips to the emergency room. I have sincerely believed that a) my eyeball was unraveling, b) I had Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever and c) my viscera was turning to stone. None of these things turned out to be true.

16. I really love feeling desire and longing, for experiences, feelings, family, men, etc. I will often put off getting what I want in order to stay there.

17. I also love nostalgia. I'm sometimes nostalgic for my desire.

18. I'm excessively adaptable. I fall into phases where it is very hard for me to know what is actually good for me. I need to remember, as Russell Simmons suggests, to "Do You!"

19. For about 12 years, I played the violin quite seriously, enough so that I had a music stand in my bedroom, would often play till I was drenched in sweat, and would dream about the music. It always amazed me that my fingers would move seemingly of their own accord, before my conscious mind could tell them what to do. I regret stopping, but hope I can pick it up again one day.

20. I love writing things between 10pm and 2am. In fact, I am writing this between 10pm and 2am.

21. I hate when people shield themselves from their true emotions, IE acting cool when they're feeling vulnerable, acting angry when they're feeling guilty. I get that some of these things are necessary protective measures. It still bugs me.

22. That said, I often abide by the maxim "fake it until you make it."

23. I have a few beliefs that I know some people think are crazy. I believe in real astrology. I believe in the power of your mind to stop things like allergies. I believe in a consciousness larger that the individual.

23. I'm quite a smiley person. Actually, I really used to be, but haven't checked that in a while. I used to be the kind of person who smiled all the time, at strangers too. I guess now that I think about it, I don't really do that anymore. Probably good.

25. I am very affected by place. Once I cross into the boundaries, like state and country lines, I feel tangibly different. The places that evoke that most for me are North Carolina and India.

procrastination station

2009-01-05T18:30:00.004-05:00

hello! right this minute, I am supposed to be working frantically on two things, both of which are due friday and in total will require me to produce about 3000 words. I can convince myself that this is a much more productive procrastination tool than facebook spying, because I'm A)writing something, B)getting potentially distracting thoughts out of my head so i can *really* focus. and, i'm at busboys and poets, and just got a call from Annie that she will be here in anywhere from 15-30 minutes, so how much work can I really get done from here out?

so maybe some rough resolutions (the first time I think about them will be appr. 10 seconds from now, so, well... take them with that in mind)
1. start putting lemon in my tea in the mornings instead of milk. im drinking tea with lemon and honey right now, and its delicious and feels healthy and cleansing. This is easy (must remember to buy lemons on the way home) and beneficial.
2. yoga with sincerity at least 3xweek
3. eat more. i'm pretty good about fruits/vegs/protein. so, maybe, i need carb-y things? rice, bread, mac and cheese...
4. drop my skirt off at the dry cleaners (this may seem like an "errand" to most people, but i've been putting it off for 4 months.)
5. answer my phone when it rings unless I'm truly unavailable. (i'm getting better at this now that I live in a home with multiple rooms for chatting, but still much room for improvement).
6. acknowledge that my being in a bad mood as a result of not taking care of myself properly has a negative effect on my outlook and opinion of the outside world -- so take care of myself! and then I can be filled with generousity of spirit.
7. start mending clothes instead of buying new clothes (got to go buy a needle).

annie's here!

back

2008-12-05T10:22:00.002-05:00

good morning! a quick life update. For the past 4 months, I have been teaching in greater quantities than ever before. It's been some parts lovely (yoga!) and some parts stressful (i will practice my grace and abstain from naming names), but overall pretty good, and certainly nice to have a salary that inches closer to a living wage. But on the downside, I haven't been able to publish anything, not since the summer, so my ability to turn thoughts into complete sentences with appropriate punctuation has been limited to The New Yorker Caption Contest Game and high school report cards. So... here I am again, just getting some practice. hopefully I can post life highlights with some regularity.

inspirational

2008-10-09T12:43:00.002-04:00

some known, some mind blowing to me -- maybe I'm just in the mood to take life changing advice, or just need a reminder. 27 proves to be a major year...

Bruce Mau : incomplete manifesto for growth.

the battleground

2008-09-08T23:08:00.000-04:00

i may never leave again

2008-09-08T22:47:00.003-04:00

I'm holed up safely on my old couch in my new living room, with star trek: the next generation on as gentle, nostalgic, safe tv, trying to process and and regain my footing. immediately after finding out some sad news (which came with the advice that I need to be extra careful, a delicate time for the family, extra vigilance required against the world) I looked in my rearview mirror and saw flashing light, *siren*, and was pulled over for talking on the phone while driving. I obediently took my lecture from the cop (who looked suspiciously like the cop who pulled me over on my bike last month) about the "laws". i made it home, well, to the driveway, took careful dark steps onto our porch, and was almost run over by a giant pitbull who had been napping on our doormat. We had a mini faceoff, where he backed off and ran to the yard, and then looked back at me to see just how serious I was about this entering my home thing (and to discern how powerful I was). I could see him calculating, and could feel that he was very close to putting up a fight that he would almost certainly win, so I tried my best to look powerful and very possessive of this home and to get my damn key in the door as fast as possible. I made it, and now have been home alone, trying to allow my emotions to flood through in the way that they need to in response to the news, and to be extra safe and careful...

ps. some links

2007-11-06T23:33:00.000-05:00

daniels band

yoga (this is just what i happened upon, but its pretty nice, with photos to use just in case. im still shopping around....)

fall back

2007-11-06T22:38:00.000-05:00

Hello! ive been waiting to develop photos from katya's shower before putting up a new post, but i think its time - im starting to forget things.

I'll put up a completely non sequitur photo set instead:

just some fresh fleurs from the 'hood.

last weekend, I was home and not working for the first time all month - so lovely! on friday, we went to see Daniel Hart and his newest iteration of the physics of meaning at the velvet lounge. his violining was completely literally breathtaking, and he got to experience what i think would be thrilling - would be for me. so, he was playing on the 2nd floor of a lounge/bar, with a pretty happening packed 1st floor and about 20 people sparsely distributed upstairs. he started playing, and by the end of the first song it was packed! people were actually so drawn to his music they stopped what they were doing and walked themselves up to the show - thrilling. i was very proud, and full of nostalgia and gratefulness at having been a tiny part of the music once upon a time. made me want to pick it up and practice away until i got control of it again. so, maybe, on thanksgiving ill bring the violin back here with me.

saturday, i finally got to see ben play some athletics -- after all these years of hearing about it and having some vague sense that he was a talent -- didnt seem real to me. except -- i was bad luck, and his very excellent flag football team lost their first game in a while. whoops. i don't think i was such a great cheerleader, being terribly distracted by the adorable family with the Kite, and my book, and the bugs, and the wind... but i had a lovely time anyways. no photos, but imagine blue sky and adorable family - two tiny kids: older boy, little girl, glassed dad, kite that looks like a lady bug. and some dudes in black shirts, dudes in yellow shirts, flags around their waists, throwing, catching and running with a football. sometimes huddling up for chats.

before that, memorable things ----training it up to nyc for baby showers and tea parties. taking advantage of the last bits of perfect weather -- its now too cold to want to leave the house, and im winterizing. i need to properly organize my netflix list and get on it. stock up with teas and cocoa. also, i have started doing yoga through yoga podcasts -- amazing! its like a class, but its free, and in your home. i feel like everyone should know. (there is some chance that ill be teaching yoga this winter to the Field kids. i need to get knowledgeable, and strong...). other than that, my mental world is totally preoccupied with dreaming about my trip to india in feb, for cousins wedding. the amount of thought and imagining that i will likely be doing will be about 50X the actual time spent there (10 days). still, im at it with vigor. worrying about outfits and cameras...

onto winter ---

another me

2007-10-10T00:26:00.000-04:00

so, a couple weekends ago i went up to NYC to visit with katya and her baby belly, and also attend and walk in a fashion show -- just another one of those "say yes" situations that i felt i had to do. Kate was producing the ECOfest fashion show, and called upon friends to walk the clothing around - fun, most of us had a sense of absurdity about the whole experience of modeling, and of course we were so happy to help Kate with this and see her create this amazing show.
i was having pure fun with the whole experience (getting pampered, feeling like another person, camaraderie...) until about 30 seconds before i was supposed to walk on - then it hit me that i was completely unqualified and what was i thinking?!
my face is saying "what in the world am i doing up here?". i think i said it out loud to john (in the photo, who is also a non-model friend of Kates, a grad student) and he said "it will be good thing to have done."

so, it happened, its real, and now im left to process my slightly terrified looking photos...
(the say yesness of it was exhilarating... getting to have a totally new kind of experience. all in all, its true --it was an interesting thing to do...)

Ben is out on business this week, so im left to my own devices for a while -- its always good for getting work done, and getting life a bit more organized. i got to update my j-lism website and look at some articles with a clear head, take a nap in the middle of the day, cook for one, and just be internal for a while. it always motivating. field has also had a bit of a break, long weekend and today was just meetings, no classes -- allows my mind to really focus on the writing. field teaching is a wonderful part of my day, but can be a little consuming - there are always things to think about, ways to improve.

alright, time to end the day....

oldie

2007-10-08T19:40:00.000-04:00

so funny...

photos

2007-08-18T00:25:00.000-04:00

more pics from the trip on flickr

back from paradise...

still in disbelief that we're not in peru right now -- we decided at the very last minute that we had had a fab vacation, would be too rushed with just 4 days in peru, and that we should come on home early to relax. we tried to get tickets, were rejected by 4 people, and then at the airport, the morning of the flight, we asked one last time and luckily, two seats had opened up on a flight to DC. so we're back, safe, grounded.... and were driving to alabama when we heard about the earthquake up the coast -- right where we would have been! i still dont understand why we're not there -- but we just decided to come home...

san blas

2007-08-12T12:40:00.001-04:00

back from 4 days on an island paradise. slow paced, hammocks, gentle Caribbean waves, kuna people taking care of us and showing us their village, farm land and graveyard (elaborate, up on a hill, roofs to cover the family plots, much ceremony). along the coast of panama, lots of tiny islands, the vast majority uninhabited. our island was just big enough for 6 sleeping huts, one eating hut, 275 palm trees, and an uncountable number of biting insects (the only downside). during the day, ricardo would take us on some kind of outing, often snorkeling off nearby beach-y islands, and sometimes meeting the kuna.

kuna -- communal, fiercely protective of their traditions and culture. they had a massive revolution to fight off the panamanian spanish, who were trying to slowly take over their lands, develop it in their own ways. the kuna were succesful, and are amazingly maintaining much of their lifestyle. they have resorts, like the one we stayed at, to bring in money (which is shared by the whole kuna nation, who also decides, collectively, if a resort should be built or not) and boats come from colombia with various produce and things. we ate tons of seafood, and locally grown fruits and vegetables.

im hoping to be able to carry back that laid back, no surprises feeling with me home. i can imagine that growing up in that environment, where you can see everything happening from miles away, where you have plenty of time to prepare for events, will allow people to relax and enjoy. as ben said, its like the opposite of dc, where people are so tense and running around all the time, honking at cars who wait for more than a half second at green lights, and huffing and puffing on the metro, knocking past slow walkers. it was an ultimate get away -- so much time to just read and write, no pressure to be anywhere... aaah.

plans

2007-08-05T23:33:00.000-04:00

just won 5 dollars at the crown casino! feeling the triumph of the winning streaks --- feel like a winner.

we´re off to rent a "four wheeler" to get us to the jungle tomorrow for hiking, horsebacking riding and other adventure-type explorations. after spending today trying to figure out panama with only internet as info and the urgency of limited time at our backs, we managed to put together an awesome itin -- two days of jungle, then back to panama city to take a quick tiny plane to the san blas islands, to stay on an island the size of nyc block, to swing gently in a hammock, eat seafood that has just been pulled from the ocean. you can get to the many other islands to visit indigenous peoples - the kuna, who have been there for centuries and are near autonomous from the rest of the country- by small boat, or by swimming!

http://www.enjoypanama.com/hotels/yandup-lodge.htm

besides planning, we had a leisurely sunday, walking around the city finding food and other necessities, seeing the canal, a soccer game, and, two trips to the casino. i have a terrible personality for gambling, the wrong one for gambling - very emotional, most of my attention focused on whether or not im "lucky" at any particular moment, and blaming various nonsensical people and events on my turn of luck. im all too likely to shun my loved ones for the sake of it - very scary. very attached - should really find a different way of thinking about it.

feels a bit helpless to be here with such a limited grasp of spanish -- am so dependent on ben for most everything. but am starting to at least follow along to some degree -- just takes such a long long time to process, and even longer to even think about contsructing my basic sentences, the conversation has long moved on. but, is fun to be here with a bilingua, so that i can get direct translation on everything so quickly...

off to process and get ready...

old blog

2007-08-05T13:45:00.000-04:00

just so all those thoughts live on (however it is that things live on in this cyber land)

http://shiplish.livejournal.com

panama

2007-08-05T13:14:00.000-04:00

after planning our trip to peru for the past 3 months, i spent friday packing sweaters and preparing for chilly nights and feats of strength and endurance --- but no! ben and i had a layover in panama, and after drooling over pictures of the warm, inviting caribbean, we couldnt resist a trip here -- and here we are! we will be here for about 10 days, then will fly to peru with just enough time to see machu picchu. cant be happier to be strolling around panama in summer clothes, with ben next to me contacting islands in san blas where we can stay in a hut, go snorkeling, visit with native kuna folk and drink loads of cocunut water...